Physical peculiarities

Physical peculiarities.


These fall into three broad classes:

  • That which is absolutely anatomically normal, yet to the curious mind, nonetheless wonderfully quaint.
  • Deviations from the norm: whatever is unusually big, small, or otherwise distinguished from yours or mine, but basically standard issue.
  • Complete freaks, the most fun of all!



Miss Lagamba, the young ballerina,
Makes love and does things far obscener:
Her legs, long and strong
Are just made to do wrong,
And her cunt’s like a small concertina!


A young lady I’ve seen at the beach
Has a bum like a succulent peach.
She has melon-like tits,
And there perkily sits
A plump cherry-ripe nipple on each!


You will no doubt have heard of Big Ben.
Almost everyone has now and then:
He’s renowned for his dong,
Which is three times as long
As his ding, which is eighteen feet ten!





Original Sins

There’s a  fortunate fellow called Binns,
Who made love to identical twins,
So alike to each other
That even their mother
Just scratches her head, shrugs and grins.

It began, as it often begins,
With champagne and a couple of gins:
Inhibitions were shed,
And they jumped into bed,
In a tangle of tits, teeth and shins.

They exhibited bumps, grinds and spins.
They had semen from fannies to chins!
It was jolly confusing,
But later amusing,
Confessing at church to such sins!



Irish lassies have wonderful chests:
They have nice mashed-potato-soft breasts,
And a young Irish lad
Can be driven quite mad
By their jiggling under their vests!


An accomplished young lady from China
Possessed a prehensile vagina.
Her talented crumpet
Could play on the trumpet
Vivaldi’s “Fanfare in F minor.”


Lucky they who fall into the clutches
Of ladies with muscular crutches,
Oh rapturous doom
Plunging into a womb
Which embraces, not merely touches!


From the moment the foreplay commences
The cunt of a woman dispenses
An odour of musk,
Which hangs thick in the dusk,
Tantalising the mind and the senses.


Between their thighs, women are creased,
And delightfully springily fleeced.
They have lips long and pink
Which when kissed, make you think
Of a mixture of honey and yeast.


Said a worn-out old hooker, dismayed
“I’ve been too many years in the trade:
I’m decidedly jaded,
My beauty has faded,
The lips of my fanny are frayed!



I find ladies a joy to explore:
They have bosoms and nipples and more!
There are delicate things
Like pink shell-fish with wings,
And I can’t even say what they’re for!


For the big tits she shamelessly flaunted,
Miss Nelson was gawked at and taunted:
She had them tattooed
With designs bold and lewd,
And exposed them still, bravely undaunted.


Though it stretched to allow her to fidget,
Or slip in her littlest digit,
For actual coitus,
Her tiny introitus
Admitted no man but a midget.


There’s a lady, a physical freak,
Who’s devised an erotic technique:
She relaxes her cunt,
To take one man in front,
One behind and another oblique!


There’s a lovely young girl called Jacinta,
Whose fanny-fur’s thicker in winter.
In summer she sheds
In her gentlemen’s beds,
But she’s always a joy to slip inta!


There’s a girl with a bush that’s so lush,
That the sight brings a reverend hush,
Which she plaits in a braid
Or a bun, when she’s laid,
After which it takes hours to brush!


How he got his prick in is a mystery.
He did though, that much is now history.
The friction was such
She could not bear to touch
Her poor fanny, so swollen and blistery!


An unfortunate fellow from Perth
Had a dick of incredible girth.
The one fuck of his life
Was his brother’s mate’s wife,
Who described it as like giving birth.


She was knock-kneed, and so pigeon-toed,
It was said she could not be bestrode,
But she was, for although,
Quite a tight squeeze below,
At the top her legs gapingly bowed!


When a  woman is ripe to seduce
She exudes quite a potable juice,
Then her nipples erect,
(A delightful effect)
And her cunt turns a delicate puce.


One should watch how a girl’s bottom sways,
For the several things it betrays:
You can tell from her rump
If she’s up for a hump,
And sometimes, after practice, which ways.



If your date should break into a  sweat,
You can bet that her fanny is wet.
Make the most of your chance,
And slip out of your pants:
There’s no telling how far you might get!


‘Neath the sensible warm winter vest
Of Miss Darcy there dangles a breast
Of such marvelous size
It brings tears to one’s eyes,
And the other? My God! She’s twice blessed!

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