Wherein I have attempted to crystalise an instant: verbal snap-shots, what the butler saw, melting moments, zipless fucks, things like that.



Cooed a coy mademoiselle, called Babette,
“I’m eternally, sir, in your debt:
You’ve respected my shyness,
And tightness and dryness,
And not pressed your point, well not yet!”


Honni Soit... (Erotic booklet) + 2 vintage nude photographs



Between Bond Street and Burlington Square,
Miss O’Toole had a  shameful affair:
She enticed the conductor,
Who stripped her and fucked her,
In three different ways on the stair!


She advanced with a menacing chuckle,
Meanwhile cracking each pretty knuckle,
Sat softly astride him
And started to ride him,
And gave him her nipple to suckle.


Said a bloke to a girl in Cloncurry,
“My dear, there’s no need to worry:
Your mum’s in the yard,
And your sister’s on guard,
We’re quite safe, but we do need to hurry!”


While the scullery maid grimly clung
To the step-ladder’s uppermost rung,
Jack, the house-keeper’s boy,
Gave her spasms of joy,
‘Neath her skirt, with the tip of his tongue!


He looked deep in her limpid blue eyes,
And caressed her smooth porcelain thighs.
To the things that he said,
In his small, sweaty bed,
She responded with whimpers and sighs.


Said my wife, who’s an unashamed fake,
“Oh my God! Did we have an earthquake?
I’m convinced the earth moved,
Or your technique’s improved!”
“Do you mean,” said I, “you were awake?”


Said the shy and demure Miss Fay
With a cry of the utmost dismay,
“Though I’ve done it before,
And it’s not made me sore,
By it’s size, I’m concerned that this may!”


Though her cunt did taste slightly of fish,
For what more could a man ever wish?
He continued to savour
Her delicate flavour,
Then plunged in his cock, with a squish!


When I kissed her, she muttered and fussed,
And she claimed I’d been false to her trust,
But she said, between sighs,
As I parted her thighs,
“Do it well, then, if do it you must!”


Having chased her and finally got her,
He worked her up hotter and hotter:
He lifted her skirt,
Saying “Hush, this won’t hurt.”
He was right, but no less of a rotter!


She wore rags, and was covered in grime,
But her body was something sublime:
Firm young breasts of great size,
And between her smooth thighs
Lay a cunt slick with succulent slime.


As he thrust himself in, to the hilt,
She exclaimed, “Are you scared it might wilt?”
He said “Pardon my haste,
But I do deplore waste,
And I’d hate to see good semen  spilt.



He suggested a bath, in the hope
Of a bit of a slippery grope,
But he’d scarce touched the tap,
When she jumped on his lap,
Having warmed herself up on the soap!


Miss McKenzie, my music instructor,
Was once under a famous conductor:
To “La Mer” by Debussy,
He tickled her pussy,
And during the nocturne, he fucked her!


An unflappable lady called Kim,
Who was had by a man, on a whim,
Said “It was rather fun,
After all’s said and done,
But I do wish it hadn’t been him!


In a downtown cafe, dimly lit,
Sat a customer, tickling her clit.
When observed at her labour,
She jerked off her neighbour,
With gusto, with relish and spit!


Cooed a forthright young girl, called Lorette
To a chap whom she’d only just met,
“We’ve not been introduced,
But if I were seduced,
You would find me receptively wet!


She cried “Oh! It’s so big! I just love it!
Wherever you want you can shove it!
Let’s start with my cunt,
From the back and the front,
Then I’ll skewer myself, from above it!”


Said  a crude fellow, “Pardon me, ma’am,
If I rudely and brutally ram:
Though of course it may hurt,
I intend to insert
Every inch I can possibly cram!



Though I’m not one for thrusting my paws
Into innocent young ladies’ drawers,
Still, I’m forced to admit
That I fancy a bit,
And I would like to get into yours!


“Doctor Livingstone, Sir, I presume”
Said John Stanley to someone of whom
He could see just the arse
In the African grass ,
Since the doctor was prodding a womb!


His intention to forcibly rape,
He hid naked, behind a thick drape,
But his organ protruded,
“A man!” she concluded,
And backed up, her buttocks agape!


Though I hate, Miss, to fuck and then run,
Spread your legs, and let’s quickly be done,
For I think my longevity
Rests with your brevity:
Here comes your husband, with gun!”




A young bride, on her very first screw,
Of a sudden exclaimed “Deja vu!
I have done this before!”
Said the groom “You damn whore!
So have I, but I’d not have told you!”


Said the champion long-distance screwer,
“It’s too much, my girl, to endure:
I’d like to fuck longer,
If you were but stronger…”
And she said “Well, I’m game, if you’re!”


Her car needed a new clutch and shockers.
He ogled her cute crutch and knockers.
A deal was struck:
Her car fixed for a fuck,
Grease and lube, a quick touch-up, then chockers!


Casanova , no sexual slouch,
Once seduced a young girl on a couch.
When he said “Was it good?”
As a gentleman should,
The young lady just smiled, and said “Ouch!”



There was a young lady called Sue,
Who was had by a man at the zoo,
Though of course quite outrageous,
She thought him courageous,
To do it it right there, in plain view!


“May I make, love, a risque suggestion?
Would fucking be out of the question?
God knows it’s not much,
But it’s years since I’d such
A remarkable state of congestion!”


Having forced her, at last to surrender,
And prodded about at her gender,
The rapist said ma’am,
Could you say where I am?
I’m afraid I’m a first-time offender!”


EPONYMOUS The masked man in 'Baghead.'


In the back of a car , caught in traffic,
Two girls were engaged in games sapphic,
One blonde and one not,
(By the hair on her twat):
To say more would be plain pornographic!


While Alberto, the cook, was unzipping,
The maid greased her fanny with dripping:
She said “Just a bit,
To assist with the fit,
Not so much that it stops me from gripping!”


At the bar, I met someone called Vicki,
I thought would be good for a quickie.
She screwed me all night,
She was horny and tight,
And next morning suggested a sickie.


While the children played out in the yard,
She compliant, he randy and hard,
Their polite dads and mums
Sipped their tea and dropped crumbs,
As he eased his way in with some lard.



She was neither too old, nor too young.
She had breasts long and firm and low-slung,
A great arse, not too big,
A cunt like a sliced fig,
Silky fingers and talented tongue!

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